Hi there,
In most cases, for leaders and high performers, having a thriving social life often takes a back seat.
They are constantly juggling responsibilities, and there is always the risk of unintentionally neglecting their social life altogether.
Having a fulfilling social life isn’t just a luxury—it’s a vital component of sustained healthy high performance.
Whether you’re a seasoned leader steering a team or a high achiever striving for excellence in your chosen field, these ten tips will guide you on how to build and sustain a great social life.
Tip 1: If it’s not a win-win, it won’t last.
You feel more comfortable asking them for help when it’s a win-win and you know you are going to help them back.
Also, it’s not sustainable if it’s not win-win.
Tip 2: Don’t waste your time fixing bad relationships; create new ones.
When things go very badly in a relationship, move on and create new ones.
Don’t get me wrong, you want to stay in relationships and make things work as much as possible, but when someone formed a poor judgment of you, or you can’t respect them anymore because of something they said or did, don’t waste your time reliving every second of it repeatedly.
Don’t think “I would’ve, could’ve, should’ve”… Learn your lesson, move on, and create new relationships.
In sales, they say finding a new customer that is going to love what you’re offering is a lot easier than changing someone’s mind that doesn’t like what you’re offering.
But don’t forget, they also say finding a new customer is 5 times more expensive than keeping an existing happy customer.
Tip 3: When asking for help, appeal to people’s self-interest.
Don’t rely on their generosity.
People will help you a lot more often if they believe you are someone who appreciates their help and returns the favor.
Tip 4: Small gestures go a long way.
All successful and great relationships are created through small gestures and acts of kindness over a significant period.
Just be kind and be patient. You will reap what you sow.
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Tip 5: Building your village is not a waste of time; it’s an investment.
During this process, you may start doing some calculations in your mind about what you could have done with your time if you haven’t spent it on building relationships, catching up with people, or doing favors for others.
It’s very simple. When you have a strong village, you feel better.
When you feel better, you are more engaged with your work.
When you are engaged, your ratio of output over time is higher (more productivity/higher performance).
Tip 6: Be creative and collaborative.
Ask them what you can do to help them back.
They help you with your headache number 1, and you help them with their headache number 1.
Tip 7: Avoid negative people.
A common mistake in forming relationships is that we choose the “most accessible” options instead of the “best” options.
I strongly advocate against having your guard up.
But if you want to be happy and productive, you must hang out with people who are happy and productive.
Emotions like happiness or sadness are highly contagious.
Tip 8: Positive people talk about sad things too.
Try to be a happy and positive person who gives out positive vibes to everyone around them.
However, one of the main signs of having a great village is that you can vent and talk with them when you feel exhausted, instead of bottling things up.
But keep it in moderation because no one wants to hang out with someone who is always complaining.
Tip 9: Ask people for help in their area of interest.
We all feel happy and useful when helping someone if the help is within our capacity and not draining our energy.
For instance, if you want to ask someone to babysit, you want someone who cares and enjoys it, not someone who doesn’t get along with babies.
Tip 10: In exchanging favors, don’t ask them to do their job for free.
People who make money out of their informed opinions are super sensitive about this (for example, psychologists/medical professionals/lawyers/financial advisors/consultants/etc.).
When it’s a personal relationship, try to exchange favors on things that both of you are good at, but it is not your professional job.
As a side point: For business relationships, bartering is common, and it’s a good thing, but it is very different from what I am trying to say here.
In conclusion, building and maintaining a strong social life is not just a leisurely pursuit—it’s an investment in your health and wellness.
A common thread of all great social circles is “positive” and “reciprocal” relationships.
As you apply these principles, remember that the journey to a fulfilling social life is not just about quantity but the quality of connections you create.
By applying these strategies and building and maintaining a great social life, you can improve your health and wellness, become happier, prevent burnout, and sustain healthy high performance.
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