Hi there,
To be honest, it took me a while to learn that forgiveness isn’t a one-time thing.
And it probably took me even longer to realize that forgiveness is the fastest way to peace, freedom, and joy.
It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it.
Where it all begins
This realization started when I heard a story from a nurse who works in end-of-life care.
She told me that almost all of her patients—people facing the final moments of their lives—expressed one common wish:
They wanted to forgive and be forgiven.
That hit me deeply.
It made me think about how forgiveness plays a huge role not only in our relationships with others but also in our relationship with ourselves.
When it comes to forgiveness, except for a few rare cases, holding on to pride and bitterness only traps us.
It stops us from experiencing true peace and comfort.
The pain doesn’t go away just because we ignore it or bury it.
It lingers, grows, and affects our mental and physical health.
So, I’ve learned to tell myself a simple truth:
Each Time It Hurts, Forgive Again.
Forgiveness is not something you do once and forget.
It’s a practice, a decision you make over and over whenever the pain resurfaces.
And trust me, it does resurface.
But each time it does, that’s an opportunity to choose forgiveness and peace again.
Evidence-Based Power of Forgiveness
As a Behavioral Scientist, I’ve seen research after research show that forgiveness is more than just an act of kindness.
Studies consistently reveal that higher levels of forgiveness are linked to:
(1) Reduced chronic pain
Forgiving someone, or forgiving yourself, reduces the stress and tension in your body and can lead to relief from physical pain.
(2) Improved psychological well-being
When you let go of anger and resentment, your mind feels lighter, clearer, and more at peace.
(3) Better relationships
Forgiveness helps repair and strengthen relationships.
It is critical if we want to experience healthy and more supportive connections with others.
Enright’s Process Model of Forgiveness
This model breaks forgiveness down into four stages:
(1) Uncovering Anger
Recognize the hurt and anger you feel.
This step is about understanding the root of your pain instead of pushing it away.
Acknowledge the emotions instead of ignoring them.
(2) Deciding Whether to Forgive
Forgiveness is a choice, not an obligation.
Take time to decide if you’re ready to let go of the anger or if you still need space to process your feelings.
Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting, and it doesn’t excuse bad behavior—it’s about freeing yourself from the weight of anger.
(3) Working on Forgiveness
This is the hardest part.
It involves reframing the situation, trying to see things from the other person’s perspective, and practicing empathy.
This doesn’t happen overnight, but slowly, you begin to release the resentment.
(4) Experiencing Emotional Relief
Finally, after doing the work, you’ll start to feel lighter.
The anger and pain won’t have the same grip on you anymore.
Forgiveness isn’t about the other person; it’s about freeing yourself from the emotional burden.
Conclusion
Forgiveness doesn’t mean the hurt goes away instantly, but it allows healing to begin.
It’s a powerful tool for creating peace in your life, even if the world around you feels chaotic.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this—what’s your experience with forgiveness?
If you found this helpful, feel free to forward it to a friend who might benefit from a little peace and joy in their life, too.
Remember, each time it hurts, forgive again.
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